3000

I think I overestimated my strength.  I basically challenged a two ton beast to a game of tug of war this evening #MoreThanICouldChew.

Mission Matana has a cow (bèf) named Bella and she is preggers.  Throughout the day, Bella just hangs out in the yard and eats grass.  She has a twenty-five foot rope tied around her head that is “secured” to around the stems of about six weeds.  I would wager a guess that she can go about anywhere she wants and no one could really stop her.  In the evenings, it is Guirlene’s job to guide Bella down to the canal so she can get water.  I honestly don’t know how often this happens, but it just so happens that this evening Guirlene asked me to help her.  I’ve never really guided a cow before, but she only has one functional arm #BeenThere so she could use a hand #BadPun.

I’m not a cowboy.  My jeans are breathable.  My back pockets do not contain skoal can rings.  I own only one flannel shirt and no ten gallon hats.  I’ve ridden a horse, but never on a cattle drive #ButThatWouldBeAwesome.  And I’ve let a “Yall” slip every now and again, but that’s probably the extent of my behavior that could be considered remotely close to that of a cowboy.  Basically, what I’m trying to say was that I was making this up as I went.  I had my rope.  We had a cow.  And she needed to fetch some water to drink.  I started pulling.

I yank and she starts ambling through the yard, slowly.  She tops every now and then to nibble on some of the vegetation and I get out in front showing her where we’re going.  It’s a little intimidating to stand a few feet in front of a cow with a set of horns trained at your lower back.  So much so that I instantly change my mind and step to the side to let her go out front.  And then something clicked.

I’m not sure what it was.  Whether it was a landmark in the yard.  Maybe she realized that she had just crossed the threshold of her previous confinement.  But Bella knew that she was no longer tied down.  And Bella started running.  I gave a firm tug on the rope to try and keep her under control.  She slowed, but immediately picked up her gait.  Guirlene starts yelling, “Lashe!  Lashe!”  And, suffice it to say, my Creole lessons never involved cattle driving vocabulary.  Hmmm, ‘lashe’?  Wonder what that means.  I definitely don’t want to lose the cow because I’m sure that would be a big ordeal.  Maybe I’m supposed to use the rope in some sort of whip fashion?  Like ‘lash’ with the rope?  I’m being pulled by the taught rope connected to the 3000 pound beast, but try to send a wave through anyway.  It has no effect.  I’m now in a cross between a controlled fall and a run behind Bella.  I wrap my hands in the rope.  I take a quick hop, set my feet and give a sharp pull of the rope.  Her head careens left and she stumbles, but regains her pace almost immediately.  “Lashe!  Lashe!”  I hear behind me.  I try again to whip Bella, failing miserably to do anything but lose my balance.  I hop.  Plant my feet.  And pull.  She doesn’t even notice.

I resolve that I need to just run with her at this point.  I clearly can’t slow her down right now, but maybe there will be an opportunity for me to regain control.  We tear off through the field with Bella leading the way.  If I was a running back in the NFL and she was my lead blocker, we would destroy all of the records #BeastMode.  We cross over the back alley to the nearby house and then find ourselves in weeds again.  Would’ve been nice to apply some bug spray before this little adventure.  And then I see it.  The canal is up ahead about thirty feet.  It’s make or break time.  She’s full speed and heading straight for it.  And just when my visions of her falling into the canal and breaking her legs get painfully graphic, she stops.  Takes a couple slow steps.  And drops her head into the canal.  That wasn’t so hard. 

I anxiously stand beside her waiting for Guirlene to make her way down the path.  My heart rate is still up from being drug through the field.  Guirlene steps through the weeds and has a big grin on her face.  “Lashe” she says.   “M pa konnen, lashe.”  I hand her the rope insinuating that I want her to show me what I was supposed to do.  How was I supposed to send a ‘lash’ through the rope and into Bella in order to control her?  What direction did I need to direct the yanks on the rope to get her to slow down?  She’s laughing.  “Lashe” she says once again.  And throws the rope on the ground.

The trip back was much smoother #QuickLearner.